are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
so let's talk penis.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
