How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
i now understand why vodka
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Randomize
