So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
