There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
