doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
