I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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