Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
