Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
