I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
third nipple confirmed
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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