I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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