I've blown a few things in my day
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
