we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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