I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
