Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
