rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
my vag is so smooth its legendary
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
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