please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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