went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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