I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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