This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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