Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.