Texts From Last Night

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  (631): View more from New York

  My cock was attacked by outdoor plants

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  (631): My cock was attacked by outdoor plants http://tfl.nu/04m9
  Replies (4) Good night (515) Bad night (1155)
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  (563): View more from Iowa

  I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death

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  (563): I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death http://tfl.nu/f03y
  Replies (6) Good night (2262) Bad night (581)
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  (650): View more from California

  my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah

  (415): View more from California

  and she bought it?!?

  (650): View more from California

  yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes

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  (650): my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah (415): and she bought it?!? (650): yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes http://tfl.nu/zwxp
  Replies (28) Good night (8215) Bad night (686)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"

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  (920): i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism" http://tfl.nu/6eew
  Replies (13) Good night (4398) Bad night (949)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  soooo we both peed the bed last night...

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  (301): soooo we both peed the bed last night... http://tfl.nu/xqno
  Replies (30) Good night (969) Bad night (7065)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive

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  (609): imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive http://tfl.nu/r061
  Replies (50) Good night (4104) Bad night (992)
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life

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  (708): i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life http://tfl.nu/nn4z
  Replies (32) Good night (1875) Bad night (5899)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.

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  (717): Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home. http://tfl.nu/i7zp
  Replies (5) Good night (2248) Bad night (785)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.

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  (203): Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed. http://tfl.nu/aqi9
  Replies (6) Good night (3694) Bad night (1024)
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.

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  (718): knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins. http://tfl.nu/4mi1
  Replies (5) Good night (1755) Bad night (875)
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog

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  (440): I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog http://tfl.nu/oyfd
  Replies (6) Good night (1600) Bad night (568)
• Favorite

  (204): View more from Manitoba

  I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.

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  (204): I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL. http://tfl.nu/e718
  Replies (7) Good night (1890) Bad night (670)
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her

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  (312): This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her http://tfl.nu/f7pk
  Replies (4) Good night (706) Bad night (515)
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container

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  (850): My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container http://tfl.nu/jd1a
  Replies (10) Good night (565) Bad night (275)
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks

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  (321): I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks http://tfl.nu/2gnj
  Replies (4) Good night (734) Bad night (219)

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