No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
