Texts From Last Night

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  (303): View more from Colorado

  He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?

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  (303): He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay? http://tfl.nu/l4uw
  Replies (6) Good night (980) Bad night (1912)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.

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  (202): I want to give you a handjob with my mouth. http://tfl.nu/s0yv
  Replies (25) Good night (2215) Bad night (614)
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  (660): View more from Missouri

  We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.

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  (660): We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend. http://tfl.nu/9y0s
  Replies (31) Good night (6211) Bad night (827)
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  (231): View more from Michigan

  You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.

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  (231): You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide. http://tfl.nu/t1va
  Replies (11) Good night (4409) Bad night (1148)
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.

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  (302): I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years. http://tfl.nu/sw0p
  Replies (4) Good night (888) Bad night (3445)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there

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  (319): You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there http://tfl.nu/a5ka
  Replies (14) Good night (1287) Bad night (3140)
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.

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  (805): I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins. http://tfl.nu/apj9
  Replies (4) Good night (3127) Bad night (1688)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?

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  (732): WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"? http://tfl.nu/186c
  Replies (4) Good night (1681) Bad night (726)
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  (307): View more from Wyoming

  I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.

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  (307): I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love. http://tfl.nu/gswm
  Replies (5) Good night (463) Bad night (717)
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.

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  (601): I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome. http://tfl.nu/2jlt
  Replies (2) Good night (509) Bad night (395)
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote

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  (618): Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote http://tfl.nu/plk1
  Replies (4) Good night (635) Bad night (363)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe

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  (815): Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe http://tfl.nu/9pv6
  Replies (1) Good night (422) Bad night (388)
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got

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  (651): I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got http://tfl.nu/tlim
  Replies (3) Good night (596) Bad night (396)
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.

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  (225): Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into. http://tfl.nu/6a63
  Replies (3) Good night (652) Bad night (403)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.

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  (630): She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers. http://tfl.nu/k5vd
  Replies (1) Good night (230) Bad night (606)

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