I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
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I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
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Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.