the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it