I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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