I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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