your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
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