That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
