Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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