hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
