It's like God shit irony all over that family
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Hippo gnu deer
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
