This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
