Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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