I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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