I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
