i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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