More tranny stories later!
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
