He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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