He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize