Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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