I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
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