I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
