You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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