Please, let me fuck your mom
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
