i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Just invented taco cereal.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Randomize
