Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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