just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
