I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
