I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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