I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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