There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
