apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
