mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
