Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Randomize
