The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
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I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
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You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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