My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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