that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
bring money and cleavage
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
