so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
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Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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