My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
