there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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