so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
