Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
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