omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
God, I missed his penis.
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