Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I still have a little drunk in my system
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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