I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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