I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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