I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
