Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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