dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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