i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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