Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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