You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
